Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
