the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
