I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize