She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize