Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
