so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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