Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
