you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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