he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
