I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
one might say we're banned from that church
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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