3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
