My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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