How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize