i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
