Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
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At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
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Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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