Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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