The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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