Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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