so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
