he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize