We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
