There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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