that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
