If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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