I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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