I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
