So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i drank out of a bidet.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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