you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
