He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
