Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
