if you like me you must not know who I am
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
