did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i want to swaddle you in tequila
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
