census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize