if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
