Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
