Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
