It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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