And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
