we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
