its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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