Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
