ugly people sure do ruin things
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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