I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
