dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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