You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
