Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
