Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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