I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
