I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Never underestimate the power of titties
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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