did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
