I want to make a zoo with you.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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