P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
