actually, I'm a sock model
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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