I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
