i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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