Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Randomize
