meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
