once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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