Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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