Small penises have feelings too.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
